In the interest of keeping it real, and without going into details, (because if you're new over here I'll let you know that I have trouble sharing personal stuff) I'm going to say that the last few days have been hard. Not just tough, these days have been HARD.
What I'm going through is not a new problem, but it is new to me. I have been left feeling lonely, broken and worn down, and ashamed.
Last night was the hardest. Probably one of the hardest nights I've ever had. Yet in that darkest moment, I heard a Whisper; "I am right here".
One of my resolutions for 2012 was to learn a new aspect of God's character, another name of His, every single day. These long mornings spent cozied up to His word, pouring over who He is, speaking it back to Him, have been preparation for these dark moments. Because in order to hear that still, small whisper in the middle of all that pain and dark, I had to know the sound of His voice.
Let me just tell you, I am learning about His goodness in a whole new light. I am learning to lean in to Him like never before. I am learning to praise, even when it hurts, because that's when I need it most.
Today, I praise you Lord. I am learning to fight to believe that You are good. You are good when You give, and You are good when You take away. My pain, my sadness, does not diminish your power and your goodness Lord, and for that, I adore you. I praise You, Healer-God, because you are not afraid of my pain. You don't back away, You draw me in. You wrap tender hands around my most broken places and You bring forth healing. You scrape away the deadness in my heart and make way for new growth. I don't want my heart to be hard. So, in these days when the Enemy tries to bind me up in guilt and unworthiness, in the days when it's so much easier to sip from poisoned water than from your healing spring, in the days when my flesh rebels and my spirit doesn't feel You near, I will praise You anyway. I will praise You more.
You, God All-Mighty, are my anchor in the middle of the storm.