Thursday, January 19, 2012

Why I'm Writing

You want me to write, Lord?

I want you to write. I want you to write about me. I want you to praise me. And I want you to hold on because I am taking you a way that you never thought you would go. I am not going to show you the whole path. But I will show you the next step.

What does that mean, Lord? I’m not a good writer! I don’t have the words to say to people. I don’t know anything about blogs or how to set up computer stuff. I’m scared for people to look into my heart and see my thoughts on paper. My journal to You is my most guarded and private possession. My husband can’t even crack those pages without my consent. My privacy is paramount.

And now I see why You want it. Because nothing except You should be paramount. Lord, I am sorry that I have waited this long. I have heard you say Write and I have said no. I am sorry that I have argued. I am sorry that my faith is dry and my heart is weak. I have been believing the lie that I have nothing to give. In reality, I have everything to give- through You. You have given me everything and have only asked me to share. And yet I have withheld. I am not good at sharing Lord. Ask my husband. He has to pry things out of me when something is wrong.

This is not where I thought I would be. I am scared. Scared of not being good enough. Scared of strangers critiquing my most intimate thoughts of You. Scared of being stuck here, with no way up and out. But today, I choose to believe the TRUTH that you have brought me here for a reason and a purpose. You do not waste life experiences. Your plans for me ARE good. Your plans for me WERE good when you called me to a college that seems to have no farther way up. I am not called to ask why. I am called to follow.

You can have this, Lord.

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I am starting a blog. Nothing like stating the obvious huh? I'm not doing it because it seems to be the popular thing to do right now, or because it sounds like fun. I'm starting this blog because I need a place to journal my thoughts. I need a place to point the way to Him. Even if no one else ever reads this, this blog will be for me. If someone out there is reading this, you are more than welcome to grab a cup of coffee and praise Him along with me!

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